Trash Beings of the Galaxy, Unite!
After uploading the final version of Shadow War this week, I devoted the rest of my free writing time to continue the novella, Trash Beings of the Galaxy, Unite! It was sad to come to the end of my ten-book, Shadows of the Void space opera, but also nice to get stuck into new projects.
I enjoy writing comedy, but it’s hard to maintain the plot and characters while weaving in humour. I’m quite pleased with the story so far, but it still needs more work. The piece below, which is a continuation of the story from last week, is unedited.
(Trash Beings of the Galaxy, Unite, is appearing in the second volume of Pew! Pew! – Sex, Guns, Spaceships… Oh My! next month. Shadow War is discounted for a short time as a new release.)
***
Jaquil sat behind the controls of the Megaboom Starblaster and reminded himself that this was why he’d applied for an internship with Trash Iz Uz. Twelve thousands tons of raw steel-silicon hybrid. Fifteen ells of power. Belly like a pregnant whale. Nose like a shark.
Hefting up the legs of his dungarees, he spread his knees wide and grasped the control sticks of the garbage starship. Beyond the cockpit window, the junk yard spread out, its piles of ancient android parts, defunct bionic pets, and old-fashioned disposable furniture teetering precariously high. But Jaquil didn’t see all that. In his mind’s eye, he was flying the Starblaster, zooming through deep space, familiar constellations spreading and melting away as he neared and then passed them.
His fantasy involved a secret rendezvous with the daughter of a trash magnate. Their clandestine love hadn’t met the approval of her controlling, overly protective father because Jaquil had yet to make his fortune. But love conquers all, so Jaquil was going to help her escape and they would live among the stars, having lots and lots of sex.
“Hey, that’s the captain’s seat,” Lollololp said.
Jaquil jumped to his feet. Lollololp’s soft body and snake-like method of locomotion made it impossible hear him move around, but that didn’t mean he shouldn’t announce his arrival, in Jaquil’s opinion.
“I was just warming it for her,” Jaquil blurted.
“Listen, kid,” said Lollololp, wriggling closer. “You might have Banty fooled, but no one’s pulled the nictitating membrane over my eyes since I metamorphosed into a nymph. I know why you’re here and exactly what you’re doing.”
Jaquil might not have understood a word of the alien’s first sentence, but he comprehended the underlying meaning of the second. He was under suspicion for something. It was a state he was familiar with as it was generally true that he was rarely doing what he was supposed to be doing. But in this case, he wasn’t sure exactly what the yellow caterpillar meant.
“What do you mean?”
“Oh, ho, ho. You don’t get me that easy,” said Lollololp. “You almost had me back there with your ignorant, naive act. But then I thought to myself, ain’t nobody that dumb. Anyone with working nervous system knows what really goes on in the trash collecting world. And here you are walking around and talking like you’re normal, so that got me wondering what your game is.”
“It did?”
“The question is, why’re you pretending to be an idiot?”
Jaquil had been asked that question in various forms many times over the course of his short life, minus the pretending part, and he was no closer to an answer right then than he’d ever been.
“Errr…”
“You don’t give up, do ya?” asked Lollololp. “Never mind. It don’t matter. I’ve figured out why your here, and I got my eye on you.”
The yellow creature actually had several eyes of different sizes. Jaquil was in no doubt that the alien was now devoting one of them to the sole occupation of watching him with the purpose of preventing him performing some as-yet undefined illegal or immoral act. “Okay.”
“Good. Now we know where we stand.” Lollololp began to squirm away. “And stay outta the captain’s chair.”
Tendrils of steamy vapor spread from the entrance to the bridge, announcing the imminent arrival of Banty.
“Hi guys,” she said as her girth caught up the emanations of her mouth and she waddled through the open doorway. “We all set?”
“Just waitin’ on U8AB,” said Lollololp.
“He isn’t late again?” asked Banty. In her agitation, she took an especially large huff and exhaled heavily. The rose-scented vapor of the morning had been replaced with a choco-pepper variety that made Jaquil’s eyes water and his stomach tingle.
“Probably getting his circuits rerouted by that little vixen of an auto-augur,” said Lollololp.
“The auto-augur,” exclaimed Banty. “I totally forgot to find out what’s gonna happen on this job.”
“You mean those things really work?” Jaquil asked. He’d heard of auto-augurs, but they were so insanely expensive, he’d never had the opportunity to use one.
“Yeah, they do,” said Banty.
“No, they don’t,” countered Lollololp.
“They do,” Banty said. “You’ve just gotta read between the lines. Anyhow, I better feed it the data.”
“Can I come too?” Jaquil asked, burning with curiosity.
“Sure, kid. You’re here to learn the ropes, ain’t you?”
Jaquil had the choice of following Banty closely and breathing in all her mildly choking vapor, or following her at a distance and potentially losing her in the fog. He chose to choke.
She led him down into the belly of the whale. By the time they arrived at their destination, his eyes were streaming and his throat was raw. As the clouds faded a little, he saw a tall metal surface covered in tiny lights that winked on and off.
Movement toward the bottom left of the large computing device attracted Jaquil’s attention. It was U8AB. His chest was open, and wires ran from it into the auto-augur’s ports. He was in the process of hastily uncoupling himself.
“Captain,” said the android, “what a surprise to see you down here.”
“It can’t be that much of a surprise,” Banty said. “I always check out what to expect on a mission. My question is, what’re you doing down here?”
“I…er…” U8AB disconnected the final wire and closed his chest plate.
“You can explain later,” said Banty. “Get upstairs and warm up the engines.” As the android left, she went on, “Sheesh, he’s the randiest android I ever knew. Can’t take your eyes off of him for second, else he’s linking up with anything that runs on electric. If he weren’t one of the best negotiators in the business, I woulda let him go a long time ago. I hope he hasn’t short-circuited my auto-augur.”