This week’s offering is part three of my trash beings story. I’ve nearly finished rewriting the first draft, and this is part of the rewritten version, so you might find some things might be slightly different from what was implied in the earlier draft.
The deadline to submit Trash Beings to the second volume of Pew! Pew! – Sex, Guns, Spaceships…Oh My! approaches, so this will probably be the final snippet I post from this story. Next week, I’m working on a scifi fantasy tale to submit to an upcoming Chris Fox anthology.
Trash Beings of the Galaxy, Unite! Part III
“Captain Hepplehiggy,” came a deep voice from somewhere in the vast computer in front of them and echoed around the large, metal-walled chamber, “what can I do for you?”
“Are you feeling okay?” Banty asked the auto-augur. “My android didn’t unsettle you?”
“Oh no,” said the auto-augur. “On the contrary, our connection was quite—”
“All right,” interrupted Banty, holding up a hand. “I really don’t want to hear about it. I got some data for you.” She slipped a small, thin plastic square into a slot.
“What information is on that?” Jaquil asked.
“Everything the auto-augur needs to know,” Banty replied. “Where we’re going, who we’re gonna see, where they live, etcetera, etcetera. It’ll extract all related information from the cyberworld and analyze everything.”
“And what will it tell you?”
“What we should expect.” Banty took a huff.
“Oh,” Jaquil said. He nodded and employed his all-knowing look.
The square of plastic reappeared. Banty removed it and slipped it into a pocket. “Thanks a lot,” she said to the auto-augur.
“You’re welcome,” the device replied. “By the way, could you tell your android that if he ever has a free moment, he’s always welcome to pay me a visit.”
“Sure thing,” said Banty. But as they returned to the bridge, she added, “Like I’m gonna have that metal sex machine messing with the most expensive item of equipment on my ship.”
When they arrived back at the bridge, Banty slid the square of plastic into a slot on the flight console and a message appeared on the screen:
Trillions of creds hold no sway
Things will not go well today
When the mistress says it’s time to go
She will send you to your foe
Your precautions notwithstanding
You should prepare for a shifty landing
“What in all the galaxy is that supposed to mean?” Lollololp asked. “That’s worse than no help at all. I can’t believe you mortgaged Trash Iz Uz to pay for that piece of junk.”
“It means something important,” said Banty. “You’ve just gotta think literally.”
“I think you mean laterally,” said U8AB.
“Yeah, that’s what I mean,” said Banty. She stared at the message for a while before turning to Jaquil. “You got any ideas, kid?”
“Could the mistress be the person we’re seeing today?” he asked.
“Could be,” Banty replied.
“Then I guess the auto-augur’s saying we need to be careful because something bad might happen.”
“The kid’s a genius,” said Lollololp. “We need to be careful. How come we never thought of that?”
“It also mentioned trillions of creds,” Banty said as she eased her buttocks into the pilot’s seat, “which is what I need if I’m ever gonna replace the Starblaster. We don’t have time for any more talk anyway. We have an appointment to keep. Find a seat and get strapped in, kid.”
Jaquil gritted his teeth. The habit everyone had fallen into of calling him ‛kid’ was starting to get on his nerves. He was twenty-seven fer chrissakes. Next year, he’d be able to vote, drink alcohol, and procreate. He wished the Trash Iz Uz crew would show him a little more respect, but he didn’t know how to change their attitude.
Lollololp was squeezing his soft body into a tube beneath a console and U8AB was attaching himself to the wall. Jaquil took one of the unoccupied seats. The moment his posterior hit the base, straps snaked out from openings above his shoulders and between his legs. The straps met at his middle and a lock snapped closed, bunching Jaquil’s dungarees up so that it looked like he was wearing a diaper.
As he looked down at himself, he realized he looked exactly like a giant baby in a vehicle safety seat. All he needed was a pacifier.
“All set?” Banty asked, glancing over her shoulder.
The Starblaster’s engines were sending a vibration through Jaquil’s body that felt strangely comforting. “Is it very far?” he asked Banty, yawning.
“Yeah, it’s about—”
But before he heard Banty’s answer, Jaquil’s eyelids slid shut and he was fast asleep.